11:02 on
the 11/12/11 was the greatest moment of our lives when our gorgeous baby boy
Callum was born weighing 6.4. We were just absolutely blown away by our
beautiful little miracle and that feeling never faded, only got stronger. Each
time we looked at him we just couldn't take him in, we KNEW how lucky we were,
and we never took a single second for granted. Callum was a healthy little
baby, and loved his cuddles with his mummy and daddy - not as much as we did
though.

 

We
quickly came to realise who our new boss was and we loved every single second
of it! Every dirty nappy, every cry for a cuddle and every feed, even at
1,2,3,4 & 5am in the morning - it was ace! Every time we woke up We felt
like all of our Christmas’s had come at once each time we peeked in the moses
basket beside us, realising we really, really did have him in our lives.

 

On the
night when Callum became poorly we never saw it coming, we had gone to bed
early to watch a bit of telly in bed and have our much loved cuddle's.''One
Born Every Minute'' was on and I was welling up with emotion watching these
ladies meet their very own little miracle's, and laughing at some of the
thing's other's were screaming - brought back my own memories! Me and Mike took
the night feed's in shift's, and tonight Mike was going first, I got my head
down around about 11pm and mike changed Callum and gave him his bottle which he
took fine - little gutsy was nearly on 6 ounces now!

 

At around
2am, Mike came and woke me with Callum, Callum had woken sounding grouchy and
had a temperature, we hadn't heard him cry this way before, we tried to comfort
him, he normally loved to snuggle right into our chests, but tonight he
wouldn't. We questioned whether we were being panicky new parent's, but just
knew that he was definitely not his normal self and decided to take him through
to Blackpool Urgent Care Centre.

 

We were
seen around 4:30am, the doctor examined him and advised he had no concern's, he
couldn't get Callum to open his mouth to check his tonsil's, but he wasn't
worried by this, he just advised maybe he could have a throat infection. He
agreed he had a temperature after checking and gave us child's paracetamol and
advised us to strip him off once we got home to help reduce his temperature, I
told the doctor that Callums head felt boiling against my arm, he advised
babies are hotter than us as adult's and we shouldn't worry about this, he
advised us not to worry that he hadn't been able to see his tonsil's or throat
either, and that if we were still concerned in the next 6-8 hour's to go see
our GP, we were sent on our way feeling relieved that it couldn't be anything
serious...the doctor would have known.

 

When we
got home it was around 6am,we followed the doctor's advice, we tried to give
Callum a spoonful of paracetemol, we struggled to get him to take it, obviously
at 5 weeks old he wasn't familiar with a spoon, we stripped his clothing and
tried to get him to settle. over the next couple of hour's his condition didn't
improve, he was still hot, he was quiet when he was snuggled in, but I tried to
lay him down to nip to the loo and he became upset - again with an unfamiliar
cry and he seemed to be making a different noise with each breath.

 

It was
obvious we couldn't wait the 6-8 hour's we'd been advised, I tried making an
appointment with the GP's surgery but they couldn't get us in until 9:50, we
both knew that we needed our boy seen before then, it was now 8am, the Same Day
Health Centre within the hospital at Fleetwood was just around the corner and
was now open, we ran round the corner with him in his pram, we didn't need the
car it would have taken longer to load us in and out.

 

When we
arrived at the Same Day Centre, we expressed our concern and we were advised
that the GP wasn't due in until 10am, however, there was a sister on site who
could look at him for us, the sister again carried out another examination and
was satisfied that there was no real concern, we again questioned this, so for
peace of mind she advised she could arrange for him to be checked out, up at
Blackpool Victoria Hospital by a paediatrician.

 

The
sister left the room to go and make arrangements for us and returned with a
paediatrician who she had just, on the off chance bumped into in the corridor
and asked her to pop in and take a quick look before we set off. The
paediatrician took one look at Callum and ordered an ambulance, the next thing
we were in another room, my lovely baby boy in my arm's with an oxygen mask
being held to his face, the room was full of people and I recall her asking if
the crash bag was ready - can you imagine our fear, and it didn't end...

 

When the
ambulance arrived we were bundled in and the paramedic's ensured he was as
stable as he could be before we set off, I had to hold an oxygen mask against
my angel's face on our way. My Callum was delirious, limp and now none
responsive. Upon arrival to the hospital, Callum was taken from my arm's and
rushed in as quickly as they could get him in there, We couldn't see our boy ,
he was surrounded by people as they all got to work, pumping him with drug's
and hooking him to IV's etc.

 

Once
Callum was finally stabilised, after hearing that he had nearly arrested, and
that he had, had a fit we were told that he was extremely poorly and they
believed he could be suffering meningitis, however not confirmed yet. We were
advised that we would need transferring to Manchester Children's Hospital; The
North West & North Wales Paediatric Transport Service rushed us there.
Again we were told how very poorly Callum was and again, Callum was stabilised
and set up with all the same drug's and contraption's...4 lot's of antibiotic’s,
a sedative, a drug to keep him paralysed to stop him fitting, a catheter, the
ventilator, and fluid's...can you imagine your baby like that?...We knew each
and every one of those pipe's, wire's and tube's were helping him, but, a baby
shouldn't be this ill!?

 

The
following days really are a blur... He had a CT scan, an x-ray and ultra sound
scan's, we were told that there was at that time, 80% brain damage that they
could see, and we had three road's to look at, the likely hood was that he
wouldn't survive, or he may make a full recovery, the last was that he could have
any severity of brain damage in between, however IF he did survive, he may be vegetated,
at best extremely disabled. That moment suffocated us, ripped out our heart's,
and probably gave us the true realisation,

 

BUT!we
never lost hope in our gorgeous son. We would still have taken on the
world...anything, to save our lovely boy. Every time a doctor or
nurse-Neurologist or consultant told us we had no hope, we didn't give in. Our
beautiful boy gave it his all. We prayed, begged and pleaded with any power's
that may be, to save our boy. Our sweetheart's condition still continued to
deteriorate, for a few hour's we thought thing's were looking up, he'd seemed
stable and movement returned to his gorgeous body we later found this was due
to seizure activity and nothing more, we were advised we couldn't be too optimistic,
but we never gave up hope, hope really is all we were left with.

 

Callum
was taken for yet another CT scan as now he was visibly swelling, whilst we
awaited the result's, we were adamant, no matter what, we were supporting our
precious boy, he deserved the best chance, any chance, we didn't care, Callum
was and still remains’ our world and we would have given anything we could.
Once the results were through, the consultant took us to a side room to deliver
the news, the second time we'd been in there, but this time we felt stronger,
we knew it would be harsh news, but we also prepared to fight our guy's corner.
Only we couldn't fight off the news he gave...

 

Callums
brain had swollen so much, he now wasn't able to breath for his self, he'd been
on the ventilator the whole time, but we'd hoped he'd eventually be able to
come off it. His heart would soon fail...he'd already had to have heart massage
3 time's, they couldn't keep doing it to delay the inevitable, and one by one
his organ's would fail him. Myself and Mike had to walk out of that room, and
somehow talk about how we were to let our little man leave us. Our little miracle,
our angel, our little piece of heaven in a baby.

 

We'd been
told that they could keep trying to revive him until they couldn't no
more...that's not fair, were told we could just wait it out until the next time
his tiny heart failed him and then let him die, or take him off the ventilator
straight away. We talked, called family and tried to make sense of it all, but
you just can't, how on earth can you make that decision. That night our
beautiful little man remained stable right the way through until around 8am in
the morning, then his heart began to slow right down again, the machine's blur,
the nurse's rush...such a gorgeous little creature can't leave this earth in
that way.

 

Where the
word's came from I do not know, but, I asked the nurse to free him, take him
off the ventilator, off all the tube's and wire's, and let him come with his
mummy and daddy, we hadn’t held him for almost a week As much as we'd been
beside him every crucifying moment...we'd missed him, and in our heart of
heart's we knew we had to say our good bye's, and it couldn't be hooked up,
with stuff making a racket and nurse's rushing, it had to be peaceful, and we
had to let him know it was ok to now go...you don't need to fight any more
precious, me and your daddy are here, and you’re ok, sleep tight and promise us
you'll invade our dream's.

 

A bed had
been brought in for us so the three of us could get in. The three of us laid
there, it was peaceful, our boy between us. how we kept it together I'll never
know, but some inner strength helped us through...we had to reassure our
beautiful baby that we were there, and he was ok...he passed away, right
between his mummy and daddy, his perfect place.

 

Our home
now feels so empty, but not as near as empty as our heart's, No one deserves to
suffer this disgusting, vile, horrific disease, not even the devil!

 

We know
we will never ever get over losing our Callum, and to be honest, in a way we
don't want to, Callum completed me, he was like the missing piece in the jigsaw
of my heart, now I feel like that jigsaw has been broken up, shaken up and a
good few of the piece's pinched!

 

We can't
fetch Callum back, no matter how much we pray, BUT I will spend my life raising
awareness of this disease, and let's cross our finger's that one day we'll have
a vaccine, to at least try and save other families from the turmoil and terror
that it causes.

 

Callum
baby... mummy and daddy miss you, I hope your settled where ever you may be,
you turned our world upside down and we loved it, you took a big piece of my
heart when you left..I'll come get it one day...love you forever, mummy and
daddy xxxxxxxx